In most cultures puberty is celebrated with elaborate rituals. In the contemporary West we have made puberty an illness. As usual we have everything backwards.
Thanks for pointing this out! For some time now I’ve been wondering if I was the only one who celebrated developing breasts and curves and even my period! They were signs I was growing up, and I welcomed that. I guess the 70s and 80s were a simpler time. Porn and social media are corrosive for girls, no doubt. Schools and other institutions shouldn’t be adding even more scary nonsense. It’s criminal.
You didn’t write about what for me was the worst part of puberty -- becoming the target of aggressive male sexual attention beginning as soon as I developed breast buds at 11. I was fine with developing and getting my period, but deeply uncomfortable with being propositioned at the bus stop and having my bra snapped by boys at school. Things seemed to be better for my daughter, and she developed later than I did. But the younger sisters of her friends are now identifying as transgender. It is perplexing.
What you are describing was what I meant by “unwanted attention”. Unfortunately it’s happening more often in this porn-saturated world, but I still don’t think preemptively scaring girls about this stuff helps them.
I read a book about 20 years ago (cannot recall the author but he was a psychologist) entitled _The Myth of Adolescence_. He makes a research and historically based point that the idea of "teenagers" is a very modern concept. Before really about 1930, no one coddled teens, catered to their "unique needs," etc. They were seen as in the beginning stages of adulthood, and the things they went through were not called out as particularly challenging. We make puberty worse by the social environment we create for young people.
At first, I was going to disagree with you and say that maybe a lot of the gender dysphoria and fear of puberty comes from the fact that a lot of girls DO struggle through that awkward time, and if we downplayed it, they would feel isolated and alone going through their struggle, However, after reading your full article I agree with all you said, society is so different now and that there seems to be a lot of emphasis on scaring children into the wonderful changes that happened to their bodies, during puberty, instead of embracing and emphasizing the positives!
Young girls have been pushed to grow up so fast. The fear young girls experience is amplified by the 'in-your-face' hyper-sexuality promoted by the so-called role models aka paid social media influencers, celebrities and product advertising. Girls either feel pressured to lose their virginity just to get it over with, or use/abuse their power that comes with sexuality over others which is encouraged by our culture. Couple that with anything goes parenting and you have young girls gone wild, navigating womanhood without a compass. I'm not saying we return to the 1950s but a certain amount of innocence until real developmental maturity (in the brain) would be a welcome change.
For sure. And while we do our best to shield kids from this madness, I hope we also give them the message that they can handle it, rather than put them in a state of perpetual fear and victimhood mentality.
I actually think what you describe was more the norm in my 1960s-1970s childhood than today’s helicopter-parenting world. What’s different is social media. My now-25yo daughter came along just before its worst effects took hold, thankfully, because I was clueless at the time. My sister-in-law does not allow my 11-yo neice a smartphone and supervises all computer use. I don’t know how sustainable that is in the long run but necessary at this age.
In most cultures puberty is celebrated with elaborate rituals. In the contemporary West we have made puberty an illness. As usual we have everything backwards.
Good point!
Thanks for pointing this out! For some time now I’ve been wondering if I was the only one who celebrated developing breasts and curves and even my period! They were signs I was growing up, and I welcomed that. I guess the 70s and 80s were a simpler time. Porn and social media are corrosive for girls, no doubt. Schools and other institutions shouldn’t be adding even more scary nonsense. It’s criminal.
You didn’t write about what for me was the worst part of puberty -- becoming the target of aggressive male sexual attention beginning as soon as I developed breast buds at 11. I was fine with developing and getting my period, but deeply uncomfortable with being propositioned at the bus stop and having my bra snapped by boys at school. Things seemed to be better for my daughter, and she developed later than I did. But the younger sisters of her friends are now identifying as transgender. It is perplexing.
Sorry that happened to you. It’s awful.
What you are describing was what I meant by “unwanted attention”. Unfortunately it’s happening more often in this porn-saturated world, but I still don’t think preemptively scaring girls about this stuff helps them.
I read a book about 20 years ago (cannot recall the author but he was a psychologist) entitled _The Myth of Adolescence_. He makes a research and historically based point that the idea of "teenagers" is a very modern concept. Before really about 1930, no one coddled teens, catered to their "unique needs," etc. They were seen as in the beginning stages of adulthood, and the things they went through were not called out as particularly challenging. We make puberty worse by the social environment we create for young people.
Wow! Interesting. Sounds about right.
At first, I was going to disagree with you and say that maybe a lot of the gender dysphoria and fear of puberty comes from the fact that a lot of girls DO struggle through that awkward time, and if we downplayed it, they would feel isolated and alone going through their struggle, However, after reading your full article I agree with all you said, society is so different now and that there seems to be a lot of emphasis on scaring children into the wonderful changes that happened to their bodies, during puberty, instead of embracing and emphasizing the positives!
Thanks for the open mind!
Yeah, sometimes too much validation can backfire, especially if we are doing it broadly, rather than individually.
Young girls have been pushed to grow up so fast. The fear young girls experience is amplified by the 'in-your-face' hyper-sexuality promoted by the so-called role models aka paid social media influencers, celebrities and product advertising. Girls either feel pressured to lose their virginity just to get it over with, or use/abuse their power that comes with sexuality over others which is encouraged by our culture. Couple that with anything goes parenting and you have young girls gone wild, navigating womanhood without a compass. I'm not saying we return to the 1950s but a certain amount of innocence until real developmental maturity (in the brain) would be a welcome change.
For sure. And while we do our best to shield kids from this madness, I hope we also give them the message that they can handle it, rather than put them in a state of perpetual fear and victimhood mentality.
Absolutely. They shouldn't have to "handle it." We need to teach them how to reject it. That is the ultimate form of refusing to be a victim.
I actually think what you describe was more the norm in my 1960s-1970s childhood than today’s helicopter-parenting world. What’s different is social media. My now-25yo daughter came along just before its worst effects took hold, thankfully, because I was clueless at the time. My sister-in-law does not allow my 11-yo neice a smartphone and supervises all computer use. I don’t know how sustainable that is in the long run but necessary at this age.