Yes, Parents should be involved

Top reasons why parents should be involved in child/teen therapy

The following is from my Parent’s Guide to Mental Health. My goal is to empower parents so they do not feel intimidated by mental health ‘experts’.

There is a growing trend for child therapists to shut parents out. In some instances, this is simply due to laziness, because talking to parents is a lot more work. However, there is a push to divide children from their families. Many counselors believe that children know themselves in every context and adults should ‘let them lead’. Therapists often perceive families with traditional values as ignorant. In turn, these mental health professionals promote their own worldview onto their young clients, without consulting the family. If this approach doesn’t sit well with you, I suggest you stay diligent and be involved with your child’s counseling to ensure your values are reflected. You don’t need to be in the room for every session, but you should be in close contact with the counselor. Don’t expect any counselor to ‘fix’ your child without you. Weekly or bi-weekly check-ins are appropriate and necessary. Your minor child does not have the right to “confidentiality”. If your child is a minor, you shouldn’t “get out of the way”. It’s true that a therapist won’t disclose every detail about your adolescent, but you should understand the goals in therapy, be updated on progress, and the clinician should be asking you about your observations and concerns regularly.

*Side note: School counselors are now especially notorious for shutting out families. This is strange for me to say, as someone who was a supervisor at school-based counseling programs for ten years, however, I would not allow my child to see a school counselor in 2024.

HERE IS LIST OF IMPORTANT REASONS A THERAPIST SHOULD INVOLVE PARENTS IN THEIR TREATMENT:

• The long haul

  It's important to remember that you are your child's parents for life. Your child's therapist and mental health team are only in their lives temporarily. An inexperienced therapist may forget about this and impose her values onto your family. The therapist may feel they ‘understand’ your child better and try to shut you out. This is no excuse. If a therapist says something of this nature when you ask to be involved, remind that therapist that you and your family is who your child will need to communicate with and live with. 

• Getting your child’s history

  It's impossible for a therapist to do an effective assessment on your child without talking to the family. You must be involved for the therapist to understand what they are treating. A child will not know pertinent health information from when he/she was a baby. A child is not likely to know important history about extended family or previous generations. In addition, you must continue to be involved so you can report on progress and setbacks.  If a therapist doesn't want medical and historical information from you, this therapist is not doing their job effectively.

• Supporting the family system

  It has been long understood that treating the adults in the family has a direct impact of the children in the family. However, in recent years, this idea has been less emphasized in training.  Often parents hope a therapist will ‘fix’ their child. However, this is nearly impossible if a parent has stressors that are impacting the child. The family is best seen as a system and you all impact each other. If a therapist is treating a child, she is treating the family too. 

• Parent-child communication

  Commonly, the biggest reasons for childhood struggles is parent/child communication. This is especially true with adolescents. If communication is one of the main reasons for psychological issues, it must be addressed with family therapy and/or collaboration with the parent. Without collaboration, progress is unlikely. 

• Getting the whole story

  I'm not sure if it is ever feasible to take a child's report on face value. The best therapeutic work requires collaboration with as many important adults in that child's life to get all sides of the story. For example, if there was a conflict at home, a therapist should talk to the adults involved to get a more well-rounded picture of what is happening, so issues can be addressed appropriately. An unskilled therapist may align with the child without getting all of the facts and reinforce problems.

• Future potential emergencies

  The worst time for a therapist to first meet a parent is during a crisis. It's best that a rapport is established ahead of time so you can work together and get through the crisis as easily as possible. Without that prior relationship and trust, this makes handling a crisis much more difficult. 

• Understanding your family’s values

  One way to get to know a client is to get to know their families culture and values.  A child may hide information or de-emphasize it. By working with you, the parents, the therapist will learn about your values and work with your family accordingly. 

• Connecting families

  Unfortunately, too many therapists are dividing families, rather than helping them build stronger bonds. This may be intentional or unintentional. Either way, it is not quality therapy. It is the therapist's job to help strengthen your family, not divide it. This is happening in general, and more specifically, it's happening around gender issues. Ideological therapists are reinforcing the idea that a parent is a ‘bigot’ if they do not agree with affirming a new gender identity. This is not acceptable. 

• Insight from you

  When  a therapist talks to you, she is gathering facts and information. She is also getting to know you; your strengths, weaknesses and family dynamics. This insight is important for a therapist to to gain a better understanding of the family, and what needs to be treated. 

***If your child’s therapist didn’t involve you with the assessment and continues to shut you out in treatment, this therapist is not doing his/her job appropriately.

Pamela Garfield-Jaeger is a licensed clinical social worker in California. She completed her MSW in 1999 from New York University. She has a variety of experience in schools, group homes, hospitals and community-based organizations as a clinician and supervisor. Since getting fired for not getting the C*VID vaccine, she has dedicated herself to educate parents and embolden other mental health professionals to challenge the ideological capture of her profession.

For more detailed information on how to empower yourself as a parent and navigate the mental health field, see the Parents' Guide to Mental Health. You can schedule a consultation with Pamela here to discuss your concerns around your child’s mental health treatment.

Pamela’s book, “A Practical Response to Gender Distress, Tips and Tools for Families” is available on Amazon.