Palo Alto Suicides and the Immigrant Population

At Gunn High School during the academic year 2015-2016, there was a suicide cluster that got the nation’s attention. Six students committed suicide that year. (I never met those students who died) There was a lot of blame, and most placed the blame on the academic pressure the school promoted. An Atlantic Magazine article entitled: "THE SILICON VALLEY SUICIDES Why are so many kids with bright prospects killing themselves in Palo Alto?" stated, “…But in the e-mails traded among parents in the weeks after Cameron’s death, the obvious worry surfaced about whether all this emphasis on excellence imposed a cost on the kids—a worry that is also beginning to show up in parenting books and op‑eds in newspapers all over the country.”

Academic pressure may have been a part of the problem, but as someone who was on the front lines, I noticed a trend with first generation immigrant students which no one at the time addressed, and this observation is relevant today.

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I wrote the following in 2016:

Reflections on Palo Alto’s Immigrant Population

Its been a tumultuous year on the front lines of mental health support at Gunn High School. Its been difficult on so many levels. I have seen many students in high distress this year. In addition, the seven therapists I oversee have all worked closely with several students with suicidal thoughts. Adolescent Counseling Services (ACS) has been busy everyday assessing and supporting kids at Gunn High School throughout the year.

However, the more difficult aspect of this year has been dealing with the stress in the community surrounding the suicide cluster. We [Palo Alto] were wounded from the past. This happened before, just five years ago. All of the media attention on our community raises questions and causes finger pointing. If I want to increase my blood pressure, all I have to do is read the comment section of the Palo Alto Weekly Online. It is difficult to read articles and commentary from those who are on the outside looking in. I realize as the ACS (Adolescent Counseling Center) site director at Gunn High School, I’m privileged to have a unique inside perspective. The stories my office hears are things you can not get from a NY Times article or from a youth forum. The ACS office at Gunn has seen many different types of students: wealthy, poor, single parent household, parents together, high achievers, low achievers, popular, isolated, white, black, Hispanic, Asian, etc. Today, however, I thought I’d speak about a topic that hasn’t been written about much because it is relatively new: the immigrant population. I am not an expert on this topic, but my experience over the last two years with these families has taught me about their unique circumstances.

The school is about 50% Asian. That includes mostly Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Indian. The rest are Mexican, Caucasian, African, Filipino, biracial or another ethnic background. Many of these students are new immigrants themselves or first generation immigrants. We even know students that have come to this country on their own at age 16.

Below are some of my observations and reasons why these particular youth and their families can be vulnerable.

1. Youth who are raised as first generation American must straddle two (sometimes opposing) cultures and value systems.

For example, the kids have been raised to believe strongly in the family system and not to bring shame to it, yet they are taught in school to tell a teacher when they are struggling. If they listen to the school, they often carry heavy guilt and shame to themselves and their families. It’s a big dilemma.

In addition, for some families, the idea of depression and mental illness is a foreign concept. Therapy and counseling is a Western practice. In fact, coming and talking about yourself, your feelings and personal/individual/family problems to someone in authority goes against many non-Western cultures.

Finally, poor communication between youth and parents in homes is often because the children tend to assimilate quicker to the US while the parents hold the culture from their country of origin longer. Of course no one is being a bad parent or a bad kid, they are simply coming from very different perspectives.

2. Parents sacrificed so much (sometimes everything) for the students to get a Gunn education and succeed.

I’ve participated in a few forum discussions where there were comments such as “We need to teach our youth to be more compassionate and get them to worry less about achievement!” “Lets get them to volunteer, then they’ll learn good values!” What people often don’t realize is that the students are doing this for their families. The students often say “Studying and getting good grades is the least I could do after all they [my parents] sacrificed, but I can’t stay focused.” (If your family uprooted itself to a foreign land for you to receive such an education, would feel some pressure?) Even if the parents don’t emphasize this idea directly, the pressure still tends to be internalized. One very talented theater student said to me, “My parents didn’t come all the way from China for me to become a waiter”. They never directly stated it, but he believes his parents wish he chose a more traditional route. He continues on the theater path, but not without feelings of guilt and fear of disappointing his family (who still love him very much). For this case and the many like him, volunteering will not change the underlying motivation to achieve, which is family sacrifice.

3. Many families experienced trauma when they emigrated to the United States.

Families from far and wide and all different circumstances have landed in Palo Alto, but don’t always realize how the trauma they endured impacts them. Some families had more recent trauma, some families had it generations back, but it all affects the children in some way. Many families originally came here out of wars, as refugees or escaping political oppression. The kids are aware of what their parents or grandparents endured and some have experienced it themselves. PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) can be passed down to generations. In fact, Immigration itself is often considered a trauma where you are stripped of your community and everything familiar and you need to start a new life. According to Leo Sher in the book, Immigration and Mental Health: Stress, Psychiatric Disorders and Suicidal Behavior Among Immigrants and Refugees (Psychiatry - Theory, Applications and Treatments), “Immigrants often face difficulty adjusting to their new home in a new country for many reasons, including coping with trauma experienced in their native country, overcoming cultural and language barriers, and encountering discrimination. This can lead to severe and long-lasting psychological and behavioral problems, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and a high risk for suicide.”

Students often say to us, “Please don’t call my mom, I don’t want to stress her more”. Some keep their feelings inside so the family can cope. It seems that both parents’ and children‘s love for one another lead them to pretend to be happy and okay even when they aren’t. Masking of feelings is driven by loyalty and respect, not superficial perfectionism.

For example, We met a girl who came to the United States because her mother received a Stanford fellowship. The mother was also a political refugee from her country. The girl deeply missed her old friends and her home country, but realized she must choose home or her mother. She didn’t want her mother to know that she wasn’t happy in Palo Alto, the place her mom fought to get to, and where she has new opportunities. As a result, she silently fell deep in depression and attempted suicide. In this context, did this girl really “have it all”, as the many recent news articles about the Palo Alto youth imply?

In conclusion, we have placed so much emphasis on concrete solutions at the school, such as changing the class schedule, adjusting the homework policy and the AP restrictions to solve the problem. While I believe these initiatives may be helpful, but what I hope for people to understand is our community is facing deeper, more complex issues, and this is not something that a school policy can easily “fix”. Perhaps once the policies are in place and the anger and fear subsides, we can all open our minds to the many underlying community-based issues we face including those specific to the large immigrant population in Palo Alto: 1. Acculturation challenges, 2. Family sacrifice and 3. The generational trauma. Recognizing these complex issues could be the beginning for us to come together as a community and find genuine ways to support one another.

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My thoughts in 2023:

As more policies are currently being written to exclude parents in counseling services, I’ve been reflecting on this experience in Palo Alto.

On March 28, 2023, I testified against a California Bill that will expand mental health services without parental consent to children 12 and up including residential treatment (AB 665). This bill will enable a school counselor or another mental health professional to send a child 12 or older to a group home or other residential facility without parental consent. The people promoting this bill argued it is to expand mental health access to those who need it. A high school student argued that she was from a traditional family and believes there is too much stigma to discuss her mental health struggles with her family. In addition, she stated “Also, similar to other low income youth, we feel guilty that asking our parents or guardian to be involved with our mental health experiences will be putting an unnecessary burden on them.”

Her testimony was so familiar from my experience in Palo Alto seven years ago. The youth were unnecessarily protecting their parents and it sounds like this student is doing the same. The children are thinking for their parents. In the past, when I included families to discuss this dynamic, that’s when the real healing began. Doing counseling without parental involvement was mostly useless because the stress and miscommunications at home continued. Parents need to be involved in mental health treatment and a teenager, or a counselor who may think they know better, do not have a right to make important decisions without parents. Good intentions do not make good outcomes. Therapists, social workers, and school counselors of today need more humility.

The lessons we should have learned seven years ago are being ignored. In order to help a minor with mental health issues, the family needs to be involved.

Pamela Garfield-Jaeger is a licensed clinical social worker in California. She completed her MSW in 1999 from New York University and has been licensed in California since 2005. She has a variety of experience in schools, group homes, hospitals and community-based organizations. Since getting fired for not getting the C*VID vaccine, she has dedicated herself to educate parents and embolden other mental health professionals to challenge the ideological capture of her profession. To be more empowered and learn more on how to navigate the mental health system, please see her Parents' Guide to Mental Health.

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