How to Find a Good Child Therapist: Questions Every Parent Should Ask

Screening questions and red flags

The following is from of my essay entitled What Makes a Good Therapist. People consistently ask me how they can find a decent child/family mental health professional. This task is NOT easy, but I’ve put together this list of questions and red flags to guide you:

1. What is your style of working with your clients? The therapist should be able to give you a thorough answer and it should involve types of interventions, techniques and theoretical frameworks. Note: affirmation is not a therapy technique.

2. How do you involve families in your work with youth? A child/teen therapist should involve you in the work. You should be a part of the intake process, the assessment and formulating treatment goals. The therapist should also be talking to you regularly about concerns, changes in the family and progress. NEVER EXPECT A THERAPIST TO “FIX” YOUR CHILD WITHOUT YOUR INVOLVEMENT.

3. How do you believe the internet and social media impacts children’s thoughts and behaviors? The therapist should be aware of how kids are learning ideas and behaviors online. They should know that many things they may say are parroted from influencers.

4. How do you incorporate religion into your clinical work? The therapist should be open to religion and see it as a strength. Therapist could be aware of conflicts around faith in the family or individually and be open to discussing it in sessions without imposing their own beliefs onto the client.

5. Do you believe in systemic oppression in the United States and how does that inform your clinical work? There is no systemic oppression in the US, and if the therapist believes there is, those ideas have no place in a therapy office since that concept takes away all personal agency, and is anti-therapeutic.

6. What is your confidentiality policy with children and parents? The therapists shouldn’t keep important secrets from parents, and they must disclose any safety concerns. They should be able to articulate this easily.

7. What do you think of gender affirming care for children? If you believe that sterilizing children is wrong, be sure your child’s therapist agrees with that sentiment.

8. What do you think about the concept “let the child lead”? If you think adults need to lead, be sure that is clear before you work with a therapist who feels children know themselves and know what is best.

9. What do you think about the current medicalization of children’s mental health issues? The therapist should be aware that the use of psychotropic drugs has risen and question whether all of these new prescriptions are appropriate.

10. What is one aspect of mainstream mental health care that you disagree with or question? You want a therapist who will think for themselves and not follow the dogma. They should be able to answer this question. This will show if they have critical thinking.

If the therapist is already working with your family, questions to stay involved:

1. How do you conceptualize my child’s behavior? The therapist should be able to discuss some of the underlying issues, and explain their hypothesis on why your child is struggling. For example, trauma, grief, family communication issues, genetic disposition, autism, online influences, etc.

2. What is the treatment plan? You should ask for a copy of a written treatment plan for your reference. It should be a few pages that includes specific treatment goals. You should be a part of building this treatment plan.

3. Throughout the therapy, ask how they believe your child is progressing and what the possible barriers are. Offer to work collaboratively so your child can reach goals. You can do this at least once a month, but more often is better. The therapist should be welcoming of your interest to be involved and not shutting you out. Child therapy is usually only effective when the therapist consults with the parent regularly and keeps the parent involved in the process. If they do not want you involved, that is a major red flag.

Photo by Bernd 📷 Dittrich on Unsplash

Red Flags:

The following behaviors or actions should cause you to question whether a therapist is competent:

• Does not want to communicate or provide updates to parents.

• Talks to your child about a diagnosis before talking to you.

• Can not answer simple questions about treatment and your concerns.

• Immediately develops a course of therapy/treatment without understanding issues and can not articulate why.

• Gives diagnoses without being able to explain them.

• Makes threats if you do not follow their recommendations or use their prescribed language.

• Spends a lot of time talking about themselves and their personal life.

• Is overly emotional in sessions.

• Texts you or your child often between sessions, like a friend would, and not about professional matters (such as scheduling).

• Plays into victim mentality, such as “teaching” you about “systemic privilege”.

• Over-identifies with your child’s perspective and can’t balance it with yours.

• Only has one style or way of working and can not be flexible.

• Imposes unnecessary fear or anxiety onto you or your child.

• Is trying to divide you from your children, rather than build family connection. (Beware of a therapist with a “rescue fantasy”)

• Can’t explain the laws and limits of confidentiality in your state.

• Makes empty suicide threats without imminent danger.

• Is very negative or hopeless about your circumstances.

• On the contrary, if the therapist never confronts any issues.

• Uses too much “psycho-babble” without explanations.

• Is overly focused on skin color, gender, and identity in general.

• Has ideologically driven symbols and language on their marketing or in their office. (Example: trans flags)

As you can see, you must remain involved and never let your guard down when you choose to hire a therapist for your child. A quality therapist can do a lot of good in order to strengthen families. However, ultimately, you are the parent of your child and no therapist can ever replace you.

Pamela Garfield-Jaeger is a licensed clinical social worker with over 20 years of clinical experience with adults and teens. In 2021, Pamela was fired for not complying with the California state vaccine mandate. Since then, she has dedicated herself to educate parents and help guide them through the complex mental health system and question ideologically captured institutions. Pamela authored the book “A Practical Response to Gender Distress”, available on Amazon and children’s book, Froggy Girl, available on all online book retailers via www.froggygirlbook.com. She has also created two CEU classes for therapists to learn how to address gender issues without affirmation on lisamustard.com: Introduction to Gender Distress and Supporting Families with Adult Children in Gender Distress: Clinical Tools for Connection, Compassion, and Communication. (5 CEU credits total)

She has made appearances on Fox News, Newsmax, The Daily Signal, The Christian Post, The Epoch Times, PragerU, The Tomi Lahren Show, The Tony Kinnett Show, The Michael Berry Show, and more. She is active on Instagram as @the.truthfultherapist, twitter/x as @truththerapist, and her youtube channel is @thetruthfultherapist. You can book a consultation with Pamela through her website, www.thetruthfultherapist.org.